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must have been something I ate, not even if you paid me dude, eww cooties, general disatisfaction

Oh dear. She's stuck in an infinite loop and he's an idiot

Well, that's love for you, I guess

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ficbits: open season
must have been something I ate, not even if you paid me dude, eww cooties, general disatisfaction
lynadyndyn
WHAT, I DON'T KNOW. MY STOMACH HURTS AND I'M BORED AND I HAVE SERIOUS GROWN UP STUFF I SHOULD BE DOING.

The four people left who read this journal know what fandoms I like. Or hell, my original stuff! That would tickle me pink.

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Will and Jake! Or selkies and grad students!

this could have just kept going and going pt 1

Micaylah's written proposal, as to be presented to each member of her sample population, was approved by the IRB. She wrote it as genially and inoffensively as possible, but she still couldn't say she was surprised when the selkie nodded a few times when she was done, went into the kitchen, opened a drawer and got out a carving knife.

His boyfriend, however, had apparently not seen it coming. "Malcolm!" He vaulted over the back of the couch, an awkward tangle of spider limbs, and dashed after him, holding a hand out. "Malcolm, no!"

The selkie didn't even blink. "You should get out of the way."

The boyfriend furrowed his brows. He didn't look actively frightened, but more concerned. "We don't solve our problems like this, Malcolm."

"You don't," the selkie said, almost reasonably. "You wouldn't let me get a gun."

"We're in Scotland - getting a gun is very difficult." The boyfriend was gesturing broadly. "And that is really not the point! We're not murdering anybody! You! You are not murdering anybody."

"She knows who we are," the selkie hissed, and there was the fear in the room. The boyfriend kept holding his hand out for the knife though, steady and expectant, and the selkie after several long moments relented, handing it over. The boyfriend put it on the counter behind them and the selkie's expression wavered. He buried his face in his lover's shoulder. "You're so naive. She can hurt us."

The boyfriend gathered him in a hug, soothing. "She won't," he murmured. He shot Mikaylah a look that was surprisingly shrewd. "She's just doing a study. I know she found us, but if we just answer her questions she'll leave and won't tell anyone where we are."

"Absolutely," Mikaylah promised, seeing a chance to jump in.

The selkie pushed himself out of the embrace, eyes narrow. "Naive, Dylan," he spat. "If a grad student can find us, how safe can we possibly be?" He marched out the front door before either of them could answer, letting it bang on its uneven hinges behind him.

Dylan looked at Mikaylah in the wake of the selkie's exit, somewhere between chagrined and embarrassed. "He's gone to the ocean. We won't see him for the rest of the day."

Mikaylah had scheduled two weeks for this visit, just in case. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah, well," Dylan said, too polite to tell her he thought she should be. "It's probably for the best. Give him a chance to work off his mood."

"Ah," Mikaylah said.

Dylan sighed. "Do you want some coffee?"

and it's not even very good at all pt 2

Dylan hadn't been what she had been expecting, or maybe she just hadn't been expecting the way in which she ended up attracted to him. Anyone who could woo a selkie would have to be gorgeous by default, but Dylan was handsome in a beaky sort of way. The way your friend's older brother was handsome. He was kind of pointy and too elongated and looked like he played a lot of Halo.

He was also clearly deeply unthrilled to have Mikaylah around, although he gave her a snuggie along with the coffee. It was a cold night. "Thank you."

"Just don't let Malcolm know I let you borrow it," Dylan said, sitting down. "He loves that thing."

His face was pinched with worry, deeply unhappy. Mikaylah would feel worse about disrupting their lives if she weren't somewhat shaken by the knife incident. "I promise this will be entirely anonymous. It's all very above board."

"Anonymous." Dylan smiled mirthlessly. "Yeah, I think the people looking for us are smart enough to read between the lines. We're not exactly a common occurrence."

They were, as far as Mikaylah's research could attest, entirely unique. A selkie choosing to live with a human while keeping full control of his skin. She wanted them as the cornerstone of her dissertation on magical beings who voluntarily chose to stay with human masters, which made this rocky start particularly anxiety producing. "I promise you, my diss isn't going to be in the type of circulation those people will ever see."

Dylan frowned. "Who are you?"

Mikaylah just drank her coffee. It was a little watery.

Dylan leaned back on the couch. "Do we have any choice in this?"

"It will be over with before you know it," Mikaylah apologized.

****

"I can't answer this," Dylan said, going over the questionnaire.

"Which one?"

Dylan pointed to the second question. "I didn't tame Malcolm."

Mikaylah could see the selkie's point. That was a rather naive position to take. "Oh?"

Dylan seemed to gather that she was unimpressed. "I didn't! It wasn't like - I didn't use a squirtbottle."

The backdoor clattered open again and the selkie pattered in, shirtless with wet hair. He zeroed in on Mikaylah immediately. "She's wearing my snuggie."

"She's from California," Dylan said. "And she's our guest."

"Our blackmailing guest," the selkie said. Apparently the ocean hadn't calmed him down. Mikaylah hoped she would get him to trust her; she would dearly love to watch him change. "What were you talking about with squirtbottles?"

Dylan turned to Mikaylah. "If I had tamed Malcolm, he'd think about taking a cellphone with him to the beach if he was going to disappear for weeks at a time."

The selkie huffed at what must be an old argument and headed up the stairs.

Dylan called after him, "And he might do the dishes once in a while!"

but here it is anyway pt 3

Dylan had gone to run errands, leaving Mikaylah alone with the selkie who wanted to murder her in his surprisingly cozy home. She tried to present herself as friendly and professionally as possible.

"How would you describe your relationship with your non-magical partner?" she asked.

The selkie was boring her down with his stare. "Eloquently."

"Okay," said Mikaylah. "Would you describe your relationship with your partner?"

The selkie crossed his arms. "No."

"Really?" Mikaylah said.

"So you can write a guide for domesticating my species?" the selkie said. "No."

"That's not what this is about. I swear."

"What's it about then?"

Mikaylah said, "I just want to understand."

"There's not much to understand," the selkie said.

"There's a lot to understand," Mikaylah said. "And please, don't insult either of us by pretending you can be domesticated."

The selkie looked a little pleased despite himself. Magical creatures tended to be flattered when complimented on their essential wild ineffability.

"Why do you stay with him?" Mikaylah asked.

"Maybe it's not voluntary," the selkie said. "Maybe he's blackmailing me too. Maybe I hate it here."

Mikaylah chewed her lower lip. "Is that the case?"

"It would ruin your data if it was," the selkie said.

"Yeah," Mikaylah said. "But is it?"

The selkie looked conflicted. He shot a glance at the door Dylan had left by and visibly deflated, sour and disappointed in himself. "No."

"I promise, the sooner you answer my questions, the sooner I'll go away," Mikaylah said.

The selkie snorted out a breath. He leaned over the table, eyes calm and completely serious. "If this ends up hurting him, even the tiniest bit, even if we have to move down the street, I swear I'll find you and tear you apart."

"It won't," Mikaylah said. "If anything, this should protect you both."

"Piece by piece," the selkie promised.

Mikaylah circled an oval on her questionaire, as in a roundabout way that answered question twenty-seven

eeee hee hee hee hee

I'm butting in but I love this so much. GRAD STUDENTS JUST CAN'T CATCH A BREAK, MAN

no it is exactly what the giggle doctor ordered

DO NOT GET BETWEEN A SEAL AND THE THINGS HE PUTS ON HIM

Best worst relationship ever.

I don't expect everyone to remember their 50 page college dissertation word so I feel I ought to ask, how are you for FFXII?

I could do it, you know, potentially, but O.Smithian has never been my forte. I could try to bust out some Larsa/Penelo if you want, but as always I am open to other requests.

If you're still into highly speculative domestic Sasuke/Naruto, that would be so rad.

IGNORING THE FACT THAT I HAVE NOT EVEN COME CLOSE TO FINISHING MY OWN FICBITS I would like some more pretend superheroes if that's interesting to you

where everything is terrible for everyone involved pt 1/?

Patrick didn't rise as early as he did when he was growing up in this house. No cows left to milk and the stable he would muck out had been torn down and paved over in service of Susan's fleet of sports cars. Still, teachers kept early hours and he had a teenager to drag out of bed. Zac had acquiesced about the school issue more easily than either of them had been counting on, really. Only three doors had been destroyed in the final argument. But it was still a difficult proposition getting him dressed and fed and on the bus every morning. It was like having a toddler, if toddlers routinely made insightful, hurtful comments about you during arguments about buying seventy dollar hair product at the drug store.

He usually gave Zac about half an hour after the alarm went off to appear downstairs, so when he bounded into the kitchen, hair tousled and cheeks flushed, breathless, Patrick and Susan shared a look over their mutual sections of the newspaper.

"Good morning!" Zac said. He bounced to the cupboard and pulled out the oatmeal. "Can I make anyone else coffee?"

"Suzie?" Patrick said.

"Don't you even," she said, not looking up from the editorial about her latest poll numbers. "It's your turn."

Patrick sighed. She was right.

Zac's face showed real alarm, which quickly turned into innocent interest. "What are you guys talking about? Turn for what?"

Patrick wordlessly got up from the table and headed up the stairs to Zac's room. Zac trailed him. "Where are you going? My room? Uncle Patrick, you're going to my room?" His voice kept rising in volume and pitch with each question. "You're certainly welcome in there, as there is no reason not to go into my room, as everything is completely normal in my room, where you, Uncle Pat, are going..."

Patrick ignored him, swinging the door to Zac's bedroom open. It was indeed empty, if messy, unsettled in the way of all empty but lived-in rooms. "Hm," Patrick said.

"See?" Zac said. "Now let's both go downstairs and enjoy a delicious breakfast as a family."

Patrick pushed aside the curtain, poked his head out the window. "Hello Elias," he said to the boy, who was braced against the side of the house, clinging to the shingles.

Elias mostly looked resigned. He was bedheaded and wearing boxers and an undershirt. "Hello sir."

Re: where everything is terrible for everyone involved pt 2/3

"This isn't what it looks like!" Zac said.

"It's only sort of what it looks like," Elias said. His fingers were hooked into claws around the shingles and bleeding a little.

Pat gestured inside with his head. "You want to come in? You must be freezing."

Elias sighed and climbed over to the window sill. Patrick doubted he knew it, but Elias had been the cause of one of the biggest fights between Keith and himself. After Daphne, Patrick had been furious to see a kid, smaller and scrawnier than she had ever been, on Nightmare's training equipment. "How many children do you plan to sacrifice, exactly?"

Keith had been stone about it, as he was for all things. "They volunteer, Paragon."

"What is he eleven?" Patrick had said. "You don't have the right to put him in danger. After what happened to Daphne, I'd think you'd know better than to throw children in harm's way just to-"

"He'd do it anyway," Keith had growled. "Without my help. You think he'll stay alive longer without it?"

That had been before Zac, too, who was obviously a different case but had also raised all sorts of questions about moral ambiguity and accountability. Elias was an odd duck, but he was undeniably capable and one of the odder elements of this whole scenario was that he was unarmed.

"Where's the jet?" Patrick asked. Elias couldn't have made it from New Corum to Littleton on his bike.

Elias fidgeted, avoiding eye contact. "It's not here, sir."

"We'll make you breakfast then," Patrick said. "And then I'll give Nightmare a call and have him come pick you up."

Elias paled. "Oh god."

"Oh god," Zac said from behind them. Elias glared daggers at him. It was as odd to see him without his equipment as it was to talk to Keith when he was playing at executive, in one of his power suits.

Susan seemed surprisingly sympathetic when Patrick hustled the boys downstairs. "Oh, honey," she said to Elias. "I think I have some jeans you can borrow." Patrick was going to make some noise about why Elias couldn't borrow Zac's, but comparing their sizes he saw her point.

Re: where everything is terrible for everyone involved pt 3/3

Elias, miserable, apparently had given up on dignity. "Thank you, ma'am."

Patrick didn't say anything to Zac at first when they left the room, just folded his arms.

"I can totally explain," Zac said.

"You flew him here?" Patrick said.

"Um," Zac said. "No?"

"It's dangerous enough flying over town as is," Patrick said. "And you flew carrying an unmasked cape? On a school night! And I hope to god he had protection on him, because I've cleaned your room, mister and-"

"Oh my god, I'm sorry, please stop talking," Zac said, hands over his ears in a show of dramatics. "I didn't! I didn't fly him here! He. Um. I think I teleported him here?"

Patrick said, "What?"

Zac played with the hem of his t-shirt. "I, uh, guess I should ask you... when you were a kid, did you ever have a really vivid dream and then the thing you were dreaming about was, uh, in your room when you woke up? Because I think I'm, uh... developing that."

They were discovering more and more, Patrick and Zac, that they each had slightly different reactions to the earth's sun. And for a very juvenile moment, Patrick was relieved he had been spared this one, growing up, because as mortally embarrassing as this must be for the boys, Zac at least had reciprocation from the object of his affections. At the same time though, Nightmare hadn't been the fiercely devoted mentor of Patrick's high school crush. Keith might kill them both.

"I've got a lot of calls to make," Patrick said. "First one, your school. We're going to start sorting this out and you're taking the day off."

Zac tried to control how he lit up at the news, and failed.

Re: where everything is terrible for everyone involved pt 3/3

eeeeeeeeeeee hee hee hee hee hee hee

WELL HOW AWKWARD FOR EVERYONE. basically, everyone ever

this is delightful and I love it a ton, <33333333333

ee hee hee this is great

SETH MEYERS/STEFON

no, no, I'm just being an asshole. Cheat the Camera?

NO NO NO NO TOTALLY WRITE SETH MEYERS/STEFON

Guitar Hero? :B IT'S BEEN SO LONG

I’m really Glad i ran across this web site.Added pompeiitours.org to my bookmark!


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